Only In America

Have you ever gotten an email that said "Only In America"? Well I did and today I am going to show it to you... here I go...

1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' todescribe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'

10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM's with Braille lettering.

EVER WONDER

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't theymake the whole plane out of that stuff??

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

------------------In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?

On a bar o f Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???....)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."

(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and.. .I'm taking this because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

_______So have you seen this or not? I am assuming that you have. I hope this gives you a smile!!! copy this into an email and send it if you haven't already!!!________

Culver's and Love

Today I have nothing to say except for the fact that I saw my friend Mikey at Culver's today. I had a lot of fun there. well anyway...my friend Mikey got a weird ice cream, let me explain...it was chocolate and vanilla mixed. Then, it has little recess pieces. Then it had mint jelly on top. It looked really gross. It looked like a perfectly good ice cream that just got snotted allover by a giant monster. That was pretty interesting. I got a chocolate eclair icecream. It tasted horrible! I didnt want that kind...i wanted chocolate icecream. But my dad said the chocolate eclair icecream would be better and boy he was wrong, but i love mah daddy!!! So anyway, I am tired and I am bored...Buppy 4 now!!!

-"Mixxie"

The Beauty of Life...

I have finally finished my speech for language...Would you like to see it?? Well here we go...
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The Beauty of Life…

A TRUE story retold and experienced by "Mixxie"

It was two summers ago at a place called Fort Wilderness. It is quite a beautiful camp in the middle of the forest that was surrounded by tall trees and rocky trails. Not too far from the camp was a reasonably small lake, a pond almost. This lake had water that had ripples that looked like shining stars with smoothly polished pebbles below. I enjoyed every minute of this camp until one unusually dubious evening when something astonishing happened. It is truly something, I will never, for as long as I live…will ever forget.

The sun was setting calmly in the evening sky and my friends and I just finished up our appealing diners. At last, the camp was calming down. The three of my friends and I decided to take a relaxing dip in the warm summer waters.

We headed to the beach and we just could not wait to get in. We unwrapped our towels and raced to where the water gracefully ran over the beach of white sand. Oh, how we enjoyed the feel of the water streaming through our fingers. We were having the time of our lived.
We splashed around, then all of the sudden, out of nowhere… we realized that something has gone terribly wrong. “Where is Marrissa?” my friend’s voice sounded so tender, so anxious as she spoke. At that very moment, I felt a cool chill run down my spine.

Our dear friend was missing. We searched and searched…under the old willows…inside the abandoned boats…but she was just nowhere to be found. Then something caught my eye. It looked like a body just floating there face down in the middle of the lake. “It’s Marrissa!” My heart beat fast…for I was thinking of what could have possibly happened to this poor girl.

We swam and swam until we had finally reached the still and cold body. We turned her over so her head was out of the water. When I looked at her, I nearly had a heart attack. Her skin was tough and as white as a fresh blanket of snow. Her lips were as blue as the deep blue ocean. Her eyes were as red as slow burning embers. They were rolled back, only making visible the “whites” of her eyes.

I looked at her fingernails and they were turning bright blue. When your finger nails turn blue, it is a sign that your body is not getting enough oxygen. I noticed that she was not breathing. “Whoever is the fastest swimmer, go and get an adult who knows CPR and HURRY!!!” I yelled frantically to my friends.

My remaining friend tried to help me swim her to shore. I felt as if I was pulling a herd of elephants. The water made it so hard to move her. The closer we got to shore, the whiter, bluer, bloated, and stiffer she got. As we approached the shore, one of my friend’s mother raced into the water. There were about twenty other kids standing on the shore with expressions of terror on her face. My friend’s mother reached us and carried her the rest of the way.

I was relieved from the weight, but not from the tension and fear. I ran onto the shore where Marrissa’s rock hard body lay on a pile of towels and blanked that the kids had brought. My friend’s mother laid a blanket over her body. She started doing CPR. I have never seen anybody be so aggressive in my whole entire life. I walked up to Marrissa. “Check her pulse” I granted the mother’s request and checked her pulse.

I placed my finger on the side of her neck and her wrist. I still felt a pulse. Not too long after that, the most frightening happened. A cold breeze swept through the crowd and gave us all a chill. Then I heard a deep man’s voice speak… “Be prepared for what will happen next.” Who said that! I thought to myself…There were no men in sight. They were all gathered up at the camp.

Then it happened… All of the sudden, the pulse stopped… I listened to the silence of the atmosphere. Not even a single person spoke a word. The shadows of the old willows dawned down upon us. I whispered… “She’s… She’s dead”. My voice was as cold as ice and as hard as stone. The mother checked her pulse. I was a tear run down the side of her cheek. She nodded…Sure enough…I had just experienced a loss of a life.

My heart beat rapidly to the rhythm of the lake. The mother placed a blanket over her head. There was Marrissa, lying there…lifeless. I tremble at the thought of the experience. We just stood there, not knowing what in the world to do.

Then, the most miraculous thing ever happened. We heard soft splashes of water. There were small fish jumping in and out of the water. The shadows all seemed to disappear and there was a sudden sense of warmth in the air. I felt as if nothing happened at all. I did not feel any emotional pain or sorrow. In fact, I felt rather blissful. I felt like a happy little girl just laughs at anything and is completely carefree. I felt young again. I was daydreaming. Then something interrupted my thoughts. I heard a soft sigh and several tense coughs. I looked at Marrissa’s cloth coffin. I lifted the blanket off her face and there she was…eyes open and all. She was returning to her original hues, once again.

She looked like a newborn child. She looked so tender, so breakable. She smiled and sat up straight. I heard multiple gasps as she sat up. She was alive and well. It was pure miracle. Things like this do not happen every day. She whispered in a tender, almost heartbreaking voice… “Thank you.” My eyes started to water and I started to really heat up. I was so amazed. I opened up my arms wide and gave her the biggest hug I owned. I was crying so much that her blanket was all wet despite the water from the lake. “Someone up there must really care for you. He must have decided that your time is not over yet.” I whispered in her ear.

I just looked straight into her eyes and thought of how amazing this episode was. That night, the four of my friends including me decided to sleep on the beach next to the rolling tide. We laid down our sleeping bags and pillows and gazed upon the stars. Oh, there were so many stars up there. I have never seen so many in my life. At that very moment, I realized that there was something or someone beyond this world that cares for us. It is so amazing this thought… Before I closed my eyes, I looked up to the stars and whispered… “A little bit of love really does come from a long, long way…”

THE END

Warm Weather

I have not much to say today but for the fact that it is quite warm out... 40 degrees... this temputature is quite warm to me because it has been the longest most trecherous winter I have ever experienced. I am quite relieved that a warm wind has brought me pleasure for winter has been so long. I have only been outside once though. I was acutally at church and I was outside between classes enjoying the spring weather with two of my very faithful friends...ok thats sounds lame...but it is quite true in deed. Ok do you see what I mean??? Well I will let you go now...Buppy!

-"Mixxie"